Things one should never have to say to their kids

**I  take no credit for this whatsoever**
A woman went on facebook and started a poll asking her friends "what's the weirdest thing you've ever had to say to your kids?" The sad part is, I've said a lot of these! The results are as follows:

• Next time you decide to wipe your bum with my toothbrush, please tell me before I use it.
• We don't blow up the "balloons" that are in Mommy and Daddy's nightstand!
• Get your finger out of my butt. Right now.
• You're grounded from reading for the rest of the day. Now go play!
• Why is there a potato in your underwear?
• No, I won't help you get it out. Once you stick it up there, you have to wait until you go to the bathroom again.
• I don't know why those dogs are stuck together like that... Look over there at that cool cow!
• No, there is not a watermelon in my pants. That's my butt.
• Did you really just wipe a booger on my arm?
• Why is your sister outside naked and why are you wearing her clothes and your clothes?
• I'm not going to let you have sword fights anymore if you can't keep your pee in the toilet.
• We do not use poop to glue paper together!
• Stop peeing in the plants!
• I know it seems fun to put peanut butter on the roof of your mouth and let the dog lick it off...
• Why does this room smell like poop, and where are your pants?
• Don't play with my boobs in public!
• Stop trying to pee into each other's noses.
• There is no accident so bad you need to throw your underwear away instead of letting me wash them. Now let me see them. Okay, you made a good call.
• Did you pour honey all over the cat?!
• Next time put clothes on before you leave the house.
• Get your naked butt off of your brother's face!
• You're lucky the cat isn't dead. We do not put animals in the dryer!
• I know it sounded scary, but Daddy and I were just wrestling and goofing around in there.
• Who hid their scrambled eggs under the couch cushion? And how long have they been there?
• No more spinach until you eat a slice of pizza.
• Honey, it's not good to point at other people's private parts and it's also not good to guess whether they're big or small inside.
• You are not the hair-cutter. Get those scissors away from your sister's hair!
• You can call your penis whatever you want. Yes, you can call him Little Buddy.
• Did you really just take a bite out of my deodorant?
• I don't care if cats do it. Stop pooping in the sandbox.
• WHY exactly are you trying to make your feet stick together with peanut butter?
• Don't chew on your toenail clippings. No you did NOT see mommy do it, too.
• When mommy accidentally farts at the store, next time let's pretend like we didn't hear anything. The whole world doesn't need to know who did it.
• No! I don't want to smell inside your butt!
• Let go of your brother's weenie.
• Will you please label the jars with the word "fart" next time so I don't open them? And why are you capturing your farts in jars?
• Well, what did you think the dog was going to do if you stuck your bare butt right in his face?