Revenge on my kids Some Day

Kids are jerks. You know it, I know it, nobody says it, because they are tender and "innocent" They have no regard for anyone. In the end they pretty much redeem themselves, so I can't blame them too much. So here I was thinking, I can not wait until I am old and senile. I am going to mess with their heads so much, just to get revenge.
Short list of things I'm going to do.

• Yell something completely inaudible and then whine when they don't understand.
• Partially poop myself and then leave the rest smeared somewhere in the bathroom. Possibly under the bath matt so that it takes longer to find it.
• Come over and then jump on their couch and ask whats for dinner and complain if it's not mac and cheese.
• Wake up at 2, 3, 4 and 5 and repeatedly beg for breakfast until they give up on sleep.
• Climb the counters and just sit there until someone sees me then run away laughing maniacally.
• Take the last page out of the book they are reading and take it home.When they ask about it, I will tell them I REALLY liked it and wanted it.
• Find the tissue box and rip all the tissues out and leave them on the floor. 
• Ask for a glass of water, take one sip and when they aren't looking dump the rest on the floor.
• Sing the alphabet loudly and off key but miss random letters or just repeat the same letter

The most important key to pulling this all off and getting away with it. Is to say "I love you." in the most sincere voice. If not for that, it doesn't really work.